You look at your phone. The phone makes a sound. Your heart beats very fast. You look at the screen. You see a message. You waited three long days for this message. The message says, “Hey, I am thinking of you.”
For a minute, you feel very happy. But then, you feel sad again. You know this game. The person sends you a tiny bit of love. It is just enough to make you hope. But it is not enough to make a real friendship or a real love.
This game has a name. It is called “adult sex.” Think about a story. Think about a bird. A person drops tiny pieces of bread on the ground. The bird eats one piece. Then the bird wants more. The bird follows the crumbs. But the crumbs stop. The bird is lost. The bird gets nothing. That is what this adult sex is. You are the bird. The person is dropping tiny crumbs. The crumbs lead nowhere.
How to Know if This is Happening to You
Does this sound like you? You talk to someone on your phone for weeks. Maybe you talk for months. When you see their name on your phone, you feel a jump in your heart. But deep down, you know something is wrong.
Every time you say, “Let’s go to the park,” or “Let’s get food,” they say no. They say, “I am too busy.” Then they say, “I will make it up to you soon.” But soon it will never comes.
Then you start to feel bad about yourself. You think, “Am I asking for too much? Am I bad?” No, you are not bad. You want someone to be a good friend.
Here are the bad signs to look for:
- They only look: They look at all your pictures on the internet. They click “like” on your posts. But if you say, “Let’s meet,” they are always too busy. They like looking at you on a screen, but they do not want to see you in real life.
- Night texts: They only send messages when it is very late at night. They are awake in the dark. They feel lonely. They text you because they are bored. They do not text you because they care about your day.
- They hide: You ask them, “What are we? Are we friends?” They do not answer. They change the subject. Or they send a funny picture to make you laugh and forget your question.
- Fake plans: They say, “We should play a game sometime.” Or they say, “Let’s go out next week.” But “sometime” is not a real day. “Next week” is a lie.
- The hook: This is the worst part. You get tired. You say, “I am done. I will stop talking to them.” Then, right at that moment, they send a perfect message. They say exactly what you want to hear. You fall back into the trap. You start waiting again.
Tip #1: Why Do People Do This?
Why would someone play this mean game? It comes from inside their head. They have fears.
Some people are scared to be close to another person. They want you to like them. But they are too scared to sit next to you and talk. They are scared to love you.
Other people do not know what they want. They want to keep all their doors open. They want to have many people to talk to.
This happens a lot today. Phones make it very easy to do this. In the grown-up world of dating and adult sex, people can click a button and see a new face in one second. Because it is so easy to find someone new, they do not care about you. They want a fast, good feeling. They want you to make them feel good about themselves.
Some people got hurt a long time ago. Because they got hurt, they think love is bad. They think it is too risky to be a good partner. So, they give you tiny crumbs. They think tiny crumbs are safe. They are using you for a feeling. They do not want a real bond.
Tip #2: Be Smart About Love and Adult Sex
There is a much better way to live. You do not have to play this game. You can be smart. You can be awake.
When you are a grown-up, you make grown-up choices. When you date, and when you think about adult sex, you need to use your brain. You need to be “conscious.” Conscious means you are awake. You see what is happening. You do not close your eyes.
Conscious adult sex means you make good choices. It means you are kind. It means you talk about what you want. You do not guess. You say, “I want this.” If the person says no, you walk away.
When you are conscious, you know you are a good person. You know your worth. You know you are special. You do not let someone treat you like a little bird following crumbs. You set a big rule. You say, “If you want to talk to me, you must be nice. You must make time for me.”
If someone wants adult sex but they do not want to be a good friend, you say no. You are too smart for that. You see the trick. You choose to walk away.
How to Stop the Game
You have the power to stop this. You do not have to feel sad. Here is what you can do:
- Do what they do. If they take three days to text you, do not text them back fast. Wait. If they give you a little bit of time, give them a little bit of time. Do not give them all your time.
- Ask them plain questions. Do not be mean. Just be simple. Say, “I notice we never meet. I want to meet. Do you want to meet?” If they say no, or if they get mad, you have your answer. They do not want to be your friend. Stop talking to them.
- Stop making excuses. Do not make up stories for them. Do not say, “Oh, they are just so busy at work.” No. Everyone has time to eat. Everyone has time to send one text. If they do not make time, they do not care. Look at the truth.
- Play. Do not sit by your phone. Put your phone in another room. Go outside. Play a game. Talk to your real friends. Draw a picture. Ride a bike. When you are happy doing your own things, the phone does not matter anymore. The crumbs do not look good when you have a big, happy life.
The End of the Story
You are very good. You have a big heart. You deserve to be happy. You deserve a person who says “yes” to seeing you. You deserve a person who runs to see you, not a person who hides.
Do not eat the little crumbs anymore. Crumbs are for birds. You are not a bird. You are a person who deserves the whole cake. Walk away from the bad game. Find the people who want to play the good game with you.
